The months went by. I had been going to therapy to try to make sense of everything. I was hurting, but I was doing my best to try to focus on my own life. I had a baby on the way and no nursery for him, so that was a good distraction. I really wished my boys were closer in age, because I wanted them to be close to each other and have a good relationship, but I was doing my best to trust God that His plan for my family was better than my plan. And of course, I…

I have written my story out many different times for different audiences, so some of what I have been doing is editing and re-wording previous versions of my story to share on here. However, I realized that somehow while doing this I left out a big part of what I call the grieving process after learning the news of William’s accident. So please allow me to back up a little. One of the first things I remember thinking after hearing that William was in the accident and finally comprehending what actually happened was, “I don’t even know how to feel.”…

It was finally 5:00, and I couldn’t have gotten out of work fast enough. I was on my way to get TJ, and traffic is always bad that time of day. Traffic stopped suddenly, and I had to brake more quickly than normal, but not like I was slamming on the brakes. I came to a stop and looked in my rear view mirror. The car behind me had slammed on their brakes and came to a stop. Whew. Then I saw the van behind that car flying into it. I braced myself and closed my eyes. I felt the…

I want to take a minute to address something before I start this part of my story. There are true victims and their loved ones involved. That is not lost on me. I in no way want to seem as though my family and I are victims. I can’t even begin to express my sorrow and guilt regarding the victims and their families. I also don’t want anyone to think that I am using this story in anyway for selfish reasons. I have chosen NOT to say anything about the victims themselves out of respect for them and their loved…

Shortly after I moved back in with Thomas and TJ, Covid happened. It honestly (and thankfully) did not affect me much. My job is considered “essential,” so I continued working as usual. Thomas and I were getting along great. We thankfully did not know anyone who died or was greatly affected by Covid. It was a sweet, peaceful time in our lives. I would often wonder what would have happened if I didn’t get sober before Covid. But after just a minute or two of thinking, I would conclude that I would either be dead or in jail, and I’d…

I somehow pulled myself up off rock bottom, I mean the shower floor, and put on my pajamas and got into bed. I woke up the next morning half hoping that after my sob session the night before, I’d realize this had all just been a terrible dream. And the other half of me was hoping that God would have snapped his fingers and fixed everything in that moment and I’d be packing up and heading back home to my husband and child. So I was pretty devastated to wake up and realize that my swollen eyes were still opening…

After a few weeks, I was slowly adjusting to this new normal. I will say that after I took my last sip of alcohol (mouthwash) in the bathroom of my attorney’s office, it was fairly easy for me to stop drinking. I remember the following day being in the hotel room with my parents and thinking about going downstairs to the front desk to ask if they had a toothbrush and mouthwash because I “forgot” mine. My parents wouldn’t let me go anywhere by myself, so that was the only thing I could come up with. But somehow, I decided…

I have had several people ask me over the years how you would know if someone is an alcoholic. Unfortunately, the lines are blurry between someone who is partying too much, abusing/misusing alcohol, etc. versus a true alcoholic. Here are my thoughts. And again, I’m not a professional, so always consult other people as you see fit. How a non-alcoholic can tell if their loved one is an alcoholic: To the person who thinks they might be an alcoholic but isn’t sure: The bottom line is this: by definition, an alcoholic is a person who cannot control their drinking. If…

I could probably write a whole book on the mind of an alcoholic/addict. I know I’ve talked a little about it before, but I wanted to dedicate a post to it because I think it’s so important to talk about. (FYI – I’m just going to focus on alcoholics, since that’s what I am, but I assume “addicts” of any kind would think the same way. After all, it doesn’t really matter much what you’re addicted to.) ***As a disclaimer, I am in no way certified in mental health, addiction, or any other areas related to these topics. I do…