Sunday morning. We got to spring forward last night, so I lost an additional hour of sleep, in case I wasn’t already sleep deprived. I heard TJ wake up (hard not to hear him since he comes in our room every night and sleeps on a sleeping bag on the floor because he gets scared) around the old 7am which is now 8am. (I’ll probably be doing that a lot over the next few days…thinking about what time it actually is verses what time it should be. Ah daylight savings time. Gotta love it.)
We didn’t go to church last Sunday because of whatever excuse we had at the time, and I think we missed the Sunday before that as well. Ugh we really need to get in a better routine. Story of my life…
Ok no excuses today. We gotta go. Gotta set a better example for the boys. They need to know that church is important. How will they know that if we don’t make it a priority? I really need to do better.
It’s 10am (the old 9am) and church starts at 11, so I don’t think I have enough time to shower. I meant to shower yesterday but ran out of time. I showered Friday night but haven’t washed my hair since…Thursday night? Hmm how greasy does it look? Ehh not too bad. I think I can get away with it. I really need to get some of those headbands all the women are wearing these days. Oh well gotta keep moving.
TJ is watching TV in the living room and already dressed in his pretend soccer uniform for the pretend soccer game he wants to play in the backyard today. I can see by the empty plate on the couch (another battle for another day) that he already ate breakfast. “Hey bud, you gotta change your clothes. We’re going to church,” I tell him and immediately brace myself for the 5-year-old backlash that I know is coming.
“Noooo!!!! But mommy! I’m gonna play a soccer game! I’m New England Revolution and we’re playing Miami! It’s gonna be a big game!”
“Sorry, bud. Go get dressed for church. You’ll have the whole rest of the day to play when we get home,” I tell him. The whining continues. I’ve gotten better at refusing to engage in arguments with a 5 year old, but some days it’s hard. “TJ, I’m not arguing about this. We’re going to church. Go get dressed.”
I move on to the kitchen. Coffee. Thankfully I had the energy last night to set it up so all I have to do is push the on button. While it’s brewing, I go back to our bedroom where my husband, Thomas, is still asleep (must be nice I think begrudgingly). “Tom, I might need your help with the kids so I can get dressed for church.” He gives me an annoyed “ok” and I think to myself “wow I didn’t know asking you to watch your own kids for 10 minutes was such a big deal,” but by God’s grace, I bite my tongue and don’t lash out about that and the million other things on my mind. We’re on a tight schedule. No sense in adding an argument to the mix. We agree that I’ll get ready first while he sits with the boys and drinks his coffee. While he’s getting out of bed, I wake James up and change his diaper. “Whoa! That’s a BIG, STINKY poop!” I say to him and laugh. He smiles back and makes a waving motion in front of his face to signal “pee-yew!” I dress him in a semi-decent outfit and set him down in his playpen and immediately pull up Ms. Rachel on YouTube on the TV. “The boys watch way too much TV,” I think to myself. “I really need to do better.” I go to TJ’s room and argue – I mean discuss – with him about how he cannot wear Adidas shorts to church. We compromise with “nice” shorts and a polo shirt. It’s 40 degrees outside. Gonna get a lot of comments about those shorts, I’m sure. Whatever it’s going to be 65 today. And it’s March. It’s basically spring.
TJ goes to watch TV with James as Thomas sits on the couch and drinks his coffee and scrolls on his phone. “That’s really helpful, Tom,” I say to myself sarcastically. But instead of saying something I once again bite my tongue and add that resentment to my little internal bank and save it until I eventually explode. I’ve actually gotten a lot better at this over the years. I still internalize a lot, but I’m a lot better at letting go of the little things, so things don’t build up like they used to.
I hurry back to the bedroom and go through the “ugh I have nothing to wear” thing until I finally settle on a spring-looking dress. I brush my hair and teeth and throw on some jewelry then go back out to the living room. “Tom, you can go get ready. I’m almost done,” I leave out the “you’re not doing anything anyways” side comment. I look at the clock. 10 minutes before we have to leave. I run out to my car and grab my makeup bag from the center console, where I typically store it so I can do my makeup in the car on my way to work. Bad habit, I know. Don’t take after me. For what it’s worth, I always wait until I’m at a stoplight. I come back inside and quickly put my “mask” on. Okay church starts in 9 minutes. We gotta go! I throw a few snacks in the diaper bag for James, get my shoes on, and we run out the door.
I wish I had the time to narrate every single part of my day. But you guys probably don’t want to read that anyway. Hopefully, though, just this small snippet (roughly an hour in time) gives you a little insight into what you DON’T see before I walk into church on Sunday.
Reflections
This is the part where I point out all of my flaws, sins, and imperfections. I’m not doing this to gain your pity. PLEASE do not try to make me feel better or tell me I’m being too hard on myself. I’m simply stating facts, not beating myself up. My goal is to look back at my life and 1. show others that it is perfectly normal to mess up and not be perfect all the time and 2. learn from my mistakes. While it’s important to confess all sins, my aim is to focus more on issues of the heart. In other words, I want to dig deep and look at the real issue at hand. Now that we got that out of the way, let’s get started.
- My lack of prayer – This is actually something I consider myself to be pretty good at. I typically pray little prayers throughout the day. But as it says in 1 Thessalonians 5:17: pray without ceasing. So there’s always room for improvement, no matter how much you pray.
- My tendency to point out my husband’s flaws – Let me be clear – I love my husband. We have a pretty good marriage in my opinion. Sure, there’s room for improvement, but I think we both genuinely love each other, and we usually like each other as well (haha). This is something I will probably always need help with. I’m always so quick to point out other’s flaws and ignore my own. Sure, he could have helped more with the kids, but it’s not like I was having a perfect morning either. We both need Jesus just as much as the other. I need God’s grace just as much as he does. And for all of his flaws, I have just as many if not more.
- Being hurried and not doing my job as a mother – We all do it (and if you say you don’t, you’re lying). We get mad or frustrated when our children actually require us to parent them (how dare they!) instead of being able to parent themselves. Rather than getting frustrated with TJ for arguing with me about what to wear, I should have taken the time to explain to him why he shouldn’t really be upset that he can’t wear his favorite shorts. He needs to obey me as his mother. And arguing over material things is a reflection of the value he places on those things. And, if I’m being perfectly honest, does God really care if he did wear Adidas shorts to church? No. So the real issue here is actually my heart. I am the one who cares what he wears to church and would be embarrassed if he showed up in something other than “church” clothes.
I’m sure there are millions more sins and imperfections I can point out, but hopefully you get the idea. I have SO much to work on. I’m NOT at all perfect, and that’s OK. No, sin is not okay, but thank God that He sent us a Savior.
To God be ALL the Glory!
Love, Grace
