It was the perfect plan. I had a whole $35 on a Target gift card that Thomas would never know about. Each day, I’d go buy a $5 bottle of wine, and I’d drink it before he got home from work, and disposed of the bottle in a trash can down the street. It was my last hoo-rah. I knew I couldn’t keep living like this. My plan was to buy 1 bottle a day for 7 days, and after that, I’d be done. Forever. Or at least for now.
Monday, July 15th, was the last day of the gift card. I left early for work, stopped at Target on the way to grab the $5 bottle of wine, hurried to pay for it, and went to work. I actually felt okay about not being able to drink anymore after this. I had stopped once before, so I knew I could do it again. It was time to leave, and I hurried out to my car to begin chugging the wine that was on the floorboard before I made it home. I crouched down low so no one could see me pour the wine into a solo cup and quickly throw it back. “Ms. Johnson?” I heard an unfamiliar voice say. I froze, then slowly turned in her direction, hoping she wouldn’t see the makeshift bar I had in the backseat of my car. I saw a lady standing there with papers in her hand. Who was she? Was she trying to sell me Girl Scout cookies? How did she know my name? She handed me the papers she was holding and softly said, “I’m sorry,” and walked away. I quickly scanned the top page of the stack of papers. Law firm…husband…plaintiff…continued alcohol consumption…DIVORCE.
I stood there for a minute, still confused. I had to be dreaming. This was a dream. Or a joke. Thomas was playing a joke on me. I got in my car, shut the door, and looked down at the solo cup in my hand. I scanned through the papers again, trying to figure out what I was missing. This had to be a mistake. I was so confused. I called my mom, and when she picked up, I remember blurting out, “I just got divorce papers! Thomas filed to divorce!”
“What?!” she yelled.
“Yeah! It says “because of my continued alcohol consumption.” I shouted in disbelief.
“What?! Have you been drinking??” my mom asked.
“NO!!” I yelled. “I have no idea what this is talking about!”
I don’t remember much else after that. My mom said she would pack some things and get in the car to come down and meet me. I remember calling Thomas about 10 times and getting no answer. I finally texted him: “I don’t know what is going on but I need to know if I’m allow to go inside our house.”
He finally responded back with a text saying, “Yes, you can go to our house, but you need to be out by tomorrow.”
This can’t be happening, I thought. God?! I shouted. What is happening? Please! No! God! No! Please! I didn’t even have the words to pray. I need you!!! I shouted at the top of my lungs. And I am not exaggerating when I say that I felt a presence in the passenger seat next to me.
This was it. I had hit rock bottom. And God met me there.
To God be ALL the Glory!
Love, Grace
