Shortly after I moved back in with Thomas and TJ, Covid happened. It honestly (and thankfully) did not affect me much. My job is considered “essential,” so I continued working as usual. Thomas and I were getting along great. We thankfully did not know anyone who died or was greatly affected by Covid. It was a sweet, peaceful time in our lives. I would often wonder what would have happened if I didn’t get sober before Covid. But after just a minute or two of thinking, I would conclude that I would either be dead or in jail, and I’d thank God for allowing me to get sober before Covid hit.
As I said before, drinking, or rather not drinking, really didn’t have a big impact on my life and came rather easily to me. I wish I had a reason or advice to give people who have a harder time than I did, but I don’t. I honestly think that I just turned my life over to God, and He took over and did the hard part for me. Don’t get me wrong, I went to daily (or sometimes twice daily) AA meetings for a solid 6 months. I worked the 12 steps and made amends to the people I had hurt in my life. I went to therapy once or twice a week for several months. And I am in no way perfect (duh) or have my life figured out. But the obsession and the cravings left and, by the grace of God, have not returned.
I don’t know how people get sober without God. I know it’s possible. Plenty of people do it. But if I had to give you an answer regarding my success this far, it would be God and only God. AA would be second. It is an AMAZING program, and I cannot say enough about how wonderful it is. The fact that it is FREE and available to ANYONE who is willing is a true gift. I wish I had gone to a meeting so much sooner (although I probably wouldn’t have been in a place to accept my situation at that point). I never understood the power of having a group of people with similar stories and circumstances to support you until I went to AA.
To anyone who is afraid of going to AA – just go. Bring a friend with you. Bring a spouse with you. Bring a dog with you (they probably won’t say anything). Bring a fifth of vodka with you. Go drunk. Go high. Just go. They honestly will not care in the slightest, and EVERYONE will understand. If you need help finding a meeting near you, download the Chair App on your phone (I’m not sure if it’s called Chair App or Meeting Guide, but the picture/icon is a chair). You can search by location, day, time, etc. If you need help – ask me!! Please! And if you really can’t bring yourself to an in-person meeting, search for an online/zoom meeting. There are tons. I do not recommend it in place of an in-person meeting, but it’s a great place to start if you’re hesitant.
If you are someone who has a loved one that’s an alcoholic – go with them to an AA meeting! The majority of meetings allow anyone to come. You don’t have to say anything (that goes for the alcoholic as well). If they go around and ask you to introduce yourself (a handful of meetings do that, although most don’t) and you don’t want to, just say “skip.” Or make up a fake name. Seriously. Whatever it takes. Just go. And then go to Al-anon.
I cannot stress it enough – just go! It is probably the only place I’ve ever been in my life where EVERYONE is welcome and there are no clicks. The people there are so friendly. AND THEY UNDERSTAND. If you tell them you hit and killed someone while driving drunk, someone else there will say “me too.” Just. Go.
And if you’d like, you can bring a one dollar bill with you for the collection. That is NOT at all necessary. But just a heads up that they do pass around a collection plate and a lot of people put a dollar bill in. That’s how they sustain themselves. They joke that alcoholics can’t handle more money than that (or maybe it’s not a joke…), so that’s why people just give one dollar. But totally fine if you don’t!
Anyways, back to my story. I spent an embarrassingly large amount of time building a Lego house with TJ (and possibly without him as well) during Covid. It was a lot of fun, and I discovered a new hobby! I’ll try to post pictures later.
We made an elective move back to my hometown, and we currently live about 20 minutes from my parents. I put them through a lot over the years, but I think we have all made a lot of progress rebuilding our relationship. They currently help watch my boys while I’m at work, and it is such a blessing to see my parents with my boys. They are the best grandparents you could ever ask for. They spoil the boys way too much, and I’m totally okay with that. It’s crazy how things work out.
We lived in this blissful period of time up until 2022, when the Lego house that was our life unexpectedly and devastatingly came crashing down. That’s where we’ll pick back up next time.
To God be ALL the Glory!
Love, Grace
