I wanted to take a minute to explain more of who my parents are, but I realized that if you have never met any of us, you probably have a very different picture painted of them than you should based on what I’ve written so far.
If I had to describe my parents in one word, it would be selfless. They are the kindest, my loving and caring people you will ever meet. They loved and continue to love all of my siblings and I to a fault. They have a hard time saying no because they don’t want to upset us and always want us to be happy.
My dad is the friendliest guy you’ll meet. He is animated and loud and always puts on a happy face no matter what. He worked so hard during his career. We weren’t super rich by any means, but he made enough money to allow us all to never be wanting. My sister and I weren’t spoiled (at least not in a spoiled brat sort of way), but if we ever wanted something within reason, it was ours. He did have a temper back in the day, and there are a handful of times I remember him absolutely losing it. Once was when I dropped a 2 liter bottle of soda on the floor then proceeded to open it, not understanding the physics behind what was about to happen. I couldn’t have been older than 4 or 5 years old, and I still remember him yell “Go to your room!” after the Coke sprayed all over the ceiling and every other little nook and cranny of the kitchen. Another time, my sister, Margaret, was blowing bubble gum in the back seat of our Pontiac station wagon, and the bubble accidentally flew out of her mouth and hit the back part of the driver’s cloth seat in front of her. I don’t remember what my dad said, but I do remember how mad he got every time I looked at the grayish, hardened residue that never came out of the seat. But honestly, I don’t think his temper was out of the norm, especially back in the day. He retired after my sister and I went to college, but he continues to work way more than he should because he just doesn’t know how not to. And seeing him with his grandkids is truly heart-melting.
My mom truly is one of the most selfless people I’ve ever known. She raised all four of us siblings, and besides that one swim banquet, I don’t think she ever missed a single sports game, play, concert, field trip, or school party. She was a PTA mom, and she was always involved with us in school. I don’t think she sleeps, or if she does, I don’t know how, because between four children (especially HER four children), someone always needs something, and she is always, always there when we need her. We were the kids with the elaborate spirit day costumes and the excessive science fair poster boards, thanks to my mom. She doesn’t know how to do something half-way. Everything is big and creative and exciting. Over the years, she has made Halloween costumes, matching dresses for Margaret and me, a miniature tile bathroom floor for my geometry project, and that’s just to name a few. She even made part of my Halloween costume last year. Yes, her 30-something-year-old daughter. Why? Because I asked her to.
As kids, my parents took us to Disney World, skiing, the Caribbean, and yearly trips to the beach. They bought my sister and I new cars when we graduated from high school. They paid for our undergraduate tuitions and living expenses. When my brother began getting good at basketball, they built a half-size basketball court in the backyard. And it’s not like we were millionaires. They were able to do all of this because they never spent money on themselves. My dad still wears shirts and jackets from the 90’s (which is great that 90’s clothes are coming back in style after all these years). My mom has never owned fancy jewelry or gotten her nails done on a regular basis.
So when I say that my parents and I didn’t talk and that I felt neglected, it’s not like I was just fending for myself and they completely forgot about me. In fact, despite all of that, they were still some of the best parents you could find. They never did it intentionally, and I’m sure it kills them now to know how much I was hurting back then. I truly believe they did the best they could.
So that probably leaves you rolling your eyes and thinking boo-hoo why is this girl making her life out to be so bad? And honestly, you’re probably right. After all, lots of families have large age gaps between children. Who doesn’t care about getting good grades and/or making a lot of money? Or maybe some of you have even dealt with worse – divorced parents, single parents, abuse, neglect, homelessness, death. Maybe to some of you, my life seemed pretty good, and you actually wish you had my parents or my life. Your opinions and feelings are completely valid.
The truth is, I have absolutely no clue why I was so affected by my family as I was growing up. I have seen several therapists over the years, and I don’t think I’ve ever really gotten to the real reason. The best I can say is that something inside of me was broken, and when that was mixed with the fact that my parents didn’t communicate to me well and focused all of their time and energy on my siblings, it created some sort of storm that brewed inside. And it continued to brew until one day it would rear its ugly head, and I’d be standing right in the eye of a category 5 hurricane. And that time was getting closer.
